The place you call home
by mirzidicsi
Summary: "It's been a long time. She doesn't feel anything anymore. He's out of her mind, out of her life and out of her heart since that bitter day all those years ago." / AU
1. Rain on the parade

**So, this is pretty much the first thing I've ever wrote in English and it's, at the same time, my first Finchel fanfic.  
I took this idea from my favourite book "A sing for Summer" by Eva Ibbotson, so it's not quite original.  
This is, actually, a one-shot that got a little out of hand, I hope you like it!**

* * *

It's been a long time. She doesn't feel anything anymore.

He's out of her mind, out of her life and out of her heart since that bitter day all those years ago.  
So, yes, it's been a long time and his kisses on her neck don't hurt anymore, she doesn't miss his big hands and his dimples, not at all. She forgot his smell and she can't even remember the last thing he ever said to her anymore.  
Time came and healed _everything_ and she grew to love again, to love another one.

But that's a big fucking lie, isn't it?  
Of course it is. Time could never heal _this_ sort of pain.  
So, everything it's fine, there's nothing going on, it's just a _headache_, or at least that's what she replies every time she gets asked the same old: _"__Are you ok?"_.  
She looks across the room and she finds her husband's green eyes staring at her. He smiles brightly, raising his eyebrows, something he does only when he's staring at _her_. And she feels _safe_ under his gaze. She's so used to it. I mean, it's been 5 years already, 3 of which they've been husband and wife, so, why shouldn't she be aloud to love him? Is not like she's cheating, she's not betraying _anyone._ She feels like a cheater sometimes, though, like a liar, like, somehow, she doesn't belong here.  
And she knows why, of course, but faking it's easier.  
_"Sadness is easier because it's surrender"_ She thinks sometimes.  
No, Rachel Berry was _determined_ to be happy, she decided to never surrender. Never.  
So she smiles back at him. She knows he knows about the phone call she got the night before. He was very supportive about it, held her in his arms when she cried, like a proper husband should, and then he told her that if she needed him, he'd go with her, that he'd go with her to the end of the world, that he loves her. She told him that she needed to do this alone, though, and he said that it was okay, but that he'll miss her, then she said something like _"__It's only a couple of days"_ and he hugged and kissed her like there was no tomorrow.

They've been trough a lot during the years, that's why they became such a strong couple. When she met him, he had this huge secret he never told anyone about, but after 9 months of dating, he told her about it. Because of that he had to receive the most _painful_ slap in the face in the history of painful slaps and then, the _Silence_ treatment, because, after knowing the truth, Rachel cried for hours in her room and decided not to talk to him _ever again_, even though she knew it wasn't gonna be easy, they saw each other everyday at NYADA after all.  
Yes, you guessed right.  
Brody Weston was not the kind of guy that gives up a girl that easy, though, or maybe he was... before Rachel; But she was different, you know?, _she_ was _the one_.  
He found a different job and beat the crap out of himself to be a great student, a good employee and to to still have a little bit of extra cash to buy _apology-flowers_ to Rachel every-single-day.  
After 3 months of Rachel not talking to him, he took her hand at the end of class and, without a question, took her to the train station that was in front of the building. Once they were there, he looked at her into the eyes and put a little black thing on her hand. It was his pager.  
"Brody, What are we doing here?! Are you gonna—"  
"It's not my job anymore. I quit three months ago... because of you." He said with all honesty "I'm never, ever, gonna lie to you again, Rachel, just let me prove it to you!" His eyes were teary and so were hers, there was something about this guy that made her feel things she thought she'd never feel again. It was the first time she felt like she was cheating. "This thing has been off for a long time and I want you to just throw it in front of the train so we don't have to live with this anymore." Rachel was silent, tears wildly falling from her eyes. "Say something, Rach, please, say something!"  
"You do realize that I can just step on it right?, it would have been easier than dragging me here" She said with a grin  
"It would, but the train thing is be more dramatic, don't you think?. And we're Broadway style after all."

The train came and destroy the little thing; By the time it was gone, some people began to wonder the story behind the tender couple that was kissing on the middle of the station.

* * *

The phone buzzed twice before she could answer it.  
"Hello?"  
_"__So, Broadway..." _There's only one person in the world that called Rachel like that: Santana, and she usually meant bad news. "_There's no easy way to say this so I'll just go ahead and say it, okay?. Uhm, Mr. Shue died" _They both stayed quiet for a second. Rachel's jaw fell open as her mind began to work as fast as possible. Not a single word came out of her mouth. _"__He had a heart attack yesterday in the choir room after class. He was found a few minutes later but... it was too late. It's weird because he was so healthy but, you know, this things happen and Mrs. Pillsbury... uhm, Schuester, whatever, told us that he had a weird chest pain in the last few days but that no body thought..."_ She stopped her self and took a deep breath to proceed _"__Just come, okay, Berry?. We're all gonna be here and tomorrow's the funeral. It would mean a lot to Mrs. Ginger if you could come."_

It took Rachel a few seconds to gather the air to finally talk, but Santana waited. When she finally did, it was almost just a whisper._  
_"I'll be there, Santana. I just..." She was holding back her tears. "Can I, uhm... Call you back? I'll call you back in 10 minutes... just, yeah." Brody came into the room when he noticed the serious tone in his wife's voice. He took a few steps closer and sat right next to her; he knew that tone.  
_"__It's okay, I'll be waiting for your call, Berry. 10 minutes. Bye." _Santana said before she hang up.

For a moment Rachel asked herself whether to believe what just happened or not. It was Santana, after all. Okay, yes, it's _was_ Santana but she'd never lie about something like this, would she?. No, no, she wouldn't, it _had_ to be true.  
"He... died" She said with a broken voice.  
Something felt really bad about this. She and Mr. Shue had talked just a few weeks ago, she felt like calling him to tell him about how she was _living the dream_, she was playing Maria again in this big Broadway production and it all made her go back to those High School years. And when she told him, he sounded so proud of her he could jump around, but, at the same time, it was like he never doubted that this moment would come.  
And now she had to believe he was _gone?_ A heart attack and everything can just disappear?  
"Rachel?... Rachel, come on, who died? You're scaring me, babe... Rachel!" Brody said getting nervous.  
"Mr. Shue, my... uhm, my High School teacher." She said on her way to the bathroom, Brody followed her "The one I was talking to just last week, Brody, the one that said he was proud of me and..." She couldn't stop the tears  
"Come here" He said as he hugged her strongly.  
"I don't understand!"  
"It's gonna be okay, babe, it'll be okay."  
But she kept crying in his shoulder for a while.

* * *

Brody left her at the airport with the promise of being in touch, calling in case of emergency and a deep kiss; but there was something else in his face, something Rachel couldn't read like she always did.

"We promised each other full honesty, Brody, tell me what is it. You don't want me to go?" She said a little bit nervous about the answer.  
"Maybe?... I just... I have this feeling..." He said slowly "It's this _good-bye _feeling like I—" He became silent all of the sudden "I don't know, maybe I'm just scared that something will happen to you and I'm not gonna be there to protect you, you know? with this whole _'death'_ thing I might be just a little paranoid." But he still looked confused "Or maybe I just need to pee, so yeah, don't take this too seriously."  
"Brody, be serious!" She said as they laughed  
"I just love you, Rachel and... don't forget about me when you're back in your home town, okay?"  
"Hey! What's with all the drama? Save it for your 'Tony' speech." She said while hugging him "I'm gonna come back to you so soon you're not even gonna notice, okay? But I have to go now. Bye, husband. I'll call you!"  
"I'll be waiting!" He said with a big smile. A smile that slowly started to vanish to make room to the same face he was making before.

* * *

She kept the promise of calling him when she got out of the airport and Brody seemed really released to hear her voice, like he was truly concern that she was gonna die on that plane or something. They agreed that she would call him after the funeral.  
Rachel, as always, was well received in her house, her dads were really happy to see her even considering the _circumstances_. It was a nice reunion, she had a lovely meal with them and talked until she got a call from Santana. She was waiting outside.  
Lima was very cold in this time of the year, so she took her coat and made it to the front door.  
She was shocked of how much she actually missed Santana Lopez and all of her brutal honesty, her smile seemed different, it was not the ironic and _"__ready to say _something" smile she always wore. And Rachel noticed that Brittany was there too, holding Santana's hand.  
"This must be the most hot lesbian coupe I've ever met" Rachel said in a very low voice while she was greeting Brit.  
"I heard you, and _of course_ we are" Santana said meeting Brit's gaze  
"Did you shrink?" Brittany said, _of course._  
"We should get going!." Rachel screamed trying hard not to get offended.  
The was a lot of gossip and catching up in the car ride to the graveyard. Years went by and so many things have been going on in everyone's lives.  
Puck and Quinn were married with two kids and living in New York. Kurt and Blaine were on their honey moon in England (Yes, after like, 10 years of relationship they _finally_ got married). Tina and Mike had opened their own dance academy and they had a little daughter called Mia; and Mercedes was very successful in the industry with two released albums and one Emmy nomination. So yeah, there was a lot of gossip for them to talk about... as they kept avoiding _certain someone_. Rachel knew the silence about the subject wouldn't last long but she was trying to enjoy it while it lasted.

The truth is, she was_ panicking_. Since the moment she heard the voice in the plane saying they were arriving to Lima, Ohio, she started panicking. She felt wanted to run away back to Brody's arms. Yes, Brody was a safe place for her hormones, she never felt nervous around him and never felt like there was not enough air in the world. Her heart was playing basketball inside her chest and she was making a _big_ effort to control it without letting it show.

When they got out of the car, all of the sudden Santana told Brittany to go ahead. Rachel knew what was coming and she was trying to keep it cool, to not overthink the subject. Santana wasn't helping with it, though.  
She took a deep breath and, wearing her best smile, tried to resist the attack without losing her dignity or heart on the way.  
"I'll be waiting for you both, don't be late!" Brittany said and she went away, leaving the brunettes alone.  
"Okay, little thing. You know _he_'s coming, right?" There was no fooling around with this girl.  
"_W-who_'s coming?" Rachel answered trying to sound convincing  
"And you make a living out of _acting_? You know who, ex Frankenteen, the love of your damn life!"  
"I'm happily married, Santana, I don't know what you're talking about." She was staring at the ground  
"You know exactly what I'm talking about and don't play fool with me Because I'm _smelling_ your hormones and you fear from here. That 'marriage' is a big fat _lie_ and you know it. Why do you keep lying to yourself? You know-"  
"Okay, okay, that's enough!" Rachel screamed with tears in her eyes "Stop talking about me like you know_ everything!_ You think you know what I feel?" She was already crying "Finn left me..." Just saying his name made her feel a whole roller coaster in her stomach "...and he fucking _killed me_."  
"Rachel, I—"  
"Brody came to my life and he's _everything_ I need, so don't you _dare_ coming here and telling me my life it's a lie!"  
"But you don't _love him_, Broadway, we all know you don't." Santana said softly. Rachel was breathing hard but looking straight to the Latina's eyes  
"That's because I can't feel love anymore." And with that, she began walking towards the graveyard. Santana was shocked, she couldn't believe what she just heard.

He wasn't there, though, and she was very released that he wasn't. She kept telling her self that that was the way things must be.  
Mrs. Emma looked so old and tiny when Rachel saw her for the first time in years; her eyes were red and swollen and she looked so broken that Rachel almost felt like she was staring at herself 8 years ago. They hugged and cried in each other shoulders loudly.  
The funeral started and some of the new members of Glee sang a song that she knew by heart: _Don't stop believing_. That song was Mr. Shue's most important message and legacy, Rachel thought, and she was right, it's was passed through the generations.  
The song became stronger when all of the ex members joined to the chorus. Beautiful.  
For a moment Rachel felt almost peaceful and safe under everyone's voices, just like she used to feel back at the time when everything was easier. She felt Mr. Shue's smiling gaze on them and she knew in her heart he was on a better place, a place beyond their understanding.  
As they were singing, the coffin started to go down painfully. And, a few minutes later, it was all over, just like that.  
Rachel came back to herself eventually and felt the weight of the years again. She noticed that Santana was staring at her, but she only raise her shoulders. She was so released he wasn't there, it made everything easier to handle.  
Everyone started leaving to Santana's place; there was gonna be a meeting after the funeral, a little something to make the sadness and pain go away; only old Glee members could go, so Rachel was pretty sure that there was _no way in hell_ she could scape it, not under Santana's watch. But there was something she needed to do first.  
After explaining it to Santana, she began walking slowly in the opposite direction. She knew where the grave was, but she was scared of all the feelings that it could bring, feelings she had buried deep down.  
She needed to do it, though, so she just kept following her feet and trying not to think at all.  
She was now close to the willow tree, the grave she was looking for was on the other side of it.  
She stared at the tree for a moment, took a deep breath and began walking to the other side of it. Everything was just fine until _that_ moment.

* * *

**Okay, so it's a little bit basic, but then again, I'm not an english speaker, so don't be too rough on me. I have a lack of vocabulary, I know! :B**  
**So yeah, please coment, I _need_ to know what you think :/**  
**Have a nice day! bye!**


	2. When you call my name

**This story is already finished, so the updates will be fast :)**  
**I have a few anons that i don't really know how to post :c i'm sorry, but i read every comment**  
**Thanks a lot! :)**  
**Here comes the Finchel!**

* * *

Just one damn second and all of her strength fell apart all over again, because, yes, there _he_ was; strong and tall, like the tree, but soft and honest, like the leaves. He was staring at the same grave she had been looking for, with his hands on his pockets. The cold wind was blowing through his short hair and she just knew he had been crying his eyes out.

He looked pale and way too thin, she thought, but somehow his smell was still the same, she could feel it from the distance, flooding her nose and her whole body with memories.  
She told herself to run away, but her body wouldn't answer the call. Then she became a stone when he raised his eyes and found her own. She found out, at that very moment, that _it's true_ when people say that "the whole world just decides to stop and your whole body just decides not to react at all". There she was, not being able to move.  
Everything was wrong, she felt a fucking war inside of her chest like her heart was about to explode and her lungs were about to run out of air forever. She truly wanted to run away and away and away from all this confusion and this pain but, at the same time, she wanted stay there looking into the eyes of this man that was once hers.  
And the tears came, of course.  
"Rachel-" He said softly. Her name in his voice sounded like a old wound crawling to the surface  
"Finn" She said, almost in a whisper.  
"Hi"- "Hi" They said at the same time.  
"I was-"  
"I know" Rachel interrupted him. "I'll-I'll leave you-" She said, turning back  
"No, no! Stay." She froze. "I've been here for like an hour and I... should get going..." He said cleaning the tears off of his face. She just nodded. "You look-"  
"Finn..." He nodded, with a little grin on his face.  
He came closer to her slowly and looked at her straight in the eyes. Then he said the words:  
"I'm so proud of you."  
His voice was softer than any voice she'd ever heard (and she'd heard _a lot_). And, just like that, he walked away from her.  
She asked her self how can you say something like that and then just leave. Then she remembered this was Finn, after all. He tends to plant that kind of bombs.

* * *

_"Don't do this, don't do this Finn, please. This is not you! This is not who you are!, don't let this anger you're feeling define you!. Look at me, look at me! I'm your Rachel, Just... please."  
"Go away Rachel."  
"I don't want to! You're my home, remember? And I'm not gonna leave you to destroy yourself, I won't leave you!"  
"Stop it, Just stop it, Rachel! Stop fighting, stop holding on, stop trying so hard! Listen to me, and listen very carefully: I don't want you in my life, I don't want you to keep trying to fix me, I don't want you to be around me so just... go away!. Live your dream, be happy and just forget about me. Forget about us. I can't be fixed."  
"But I can try-"  
"I don't love you anymore, Rachel."_

"You...you're lying"  
"Look at me, princess, do you think I'm lying to you?"

* * *

"Hi Carole, it's me... Rachel." She said, with a choppy voice and a growing pain in her chest "I know it's been a long time and... Maybe I shouldn't even be here, but, believe it or not, I miss you... and... I just saw your son, he..." But she couldn't fight it anymore. She covered her face with both hands and finally, after all this time of holding it back, allowed herself to sob as hard as she could "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Carole, I'm just so fucking sorry! I couldn't... I ran away... I couldn't fix him!" She said between sobs "I gave up on him, I left him alone and can't forgive myself for that, I just..." She took a deep breath "How did we even get here?! Everything is sadness, everything is bullshit and guilt! You know?. After what happened to you everything went down... I have everything I want, but why do I feel so _damn empty_?!

"Somebody told me today... that my life was a lie and maybe it is, after all..." She said in a whisper  
"I saw Finn vanish between my fingers, Carole... and I did nothing to bring him back and I'm sorry for letting you down, for letting your son... who happens to be the _man of my life_, disappear slowly... But he broke me too, you know?, and I didn't know how to handle him or myself. I _still_ don't know and I... I'm so sorry, I'm so very sorry!..." She stood there crying the guilt and pain away loudly for a while. Everything was said now and it was time to go find some peace.  
At some point she felt there were no more tears in her eyes, she was empty of everything.  
She took a deep breath again and felt released for the first time in years "You know what?, everyday I think about you, Carole, and I think about how everything would be different if you were here. But it's a waste of time, I know it now. We are what we are. We can't be alive and be dead at the same time, I've been living like this, and I'm really tired, Carole. I'm just so tired..."

* * *

After a very nice meal with all of the old Glee clubbers and hours of talking about each other's lives, everything turned to _chaos_. Santana moved every piece of furniture in her apartment and turned the place into a night club faster that you'd imagine, lights went down and Santana came up with her surprise for the night: She had in her computer every single song they ever sang on Glee club, including the ones of the year after they graduated singed by Tina, Blaine, Sam, Brittany and all of the ones who were left until they were all out of school. Long story short, it was amazing.  
She put the list on shuffle and they all started to dance and to remember those rehearsals with Mr. Shue. The first song that came up was "You're making my dreams come true" by Hall and Oates. Chaos.  
Finn and Rachel had been avoiding each other all day without being very successful. A few times their eyes would meet and, again, everything would stop around them. What was the right thing to do? Rachel couldn't figure it out, but one thing she knew, she had to leave that house as soon as possible. That man was killing her.

At 23:30 pm her cellphone ranged. She knew it was Brody so she went outside, to the hallway to find some peace to talk to her husband.  
"Hello?" She said  
_"Babe, why haven't you called me?"_  
"I've been busy with all the crying you know?" She joked "I don't even know how it happened, but I'm kinda in a party right now, a Glee club party"  
_"Wow, isn't that disrespectful?"_  
"Maybe, but it doesn't feel like it though, we are having fun and talking about the _old times_. We met because of Mr. Shue and now he brought us together again, so..."  
_"It's okay, Rachel. I want to know how are you. Was it hard all the burying thing?"_ But Finn was the first thing that came to her mind.  
"Yes... more than you'll _ever_ know. But I don't want to talk about it, really. I kinda miss you, you know?"  
_"I miss you too, this house just feels so damn empty with your singing around."_  
"Well, yes, it better be _empty_, you know?"  
_"__Of course it is!"_  
"I'm just saying..." They laughed a little and then Rachel became serious again "I don't know, everything here feels like a box of memories that I left behind. I just wanna go home to you, I really do." And she wasn't lying.  
_"__Come back soon and please call me before you get on that plane tomorrow. I'll be waiting for you."_  
"Oh, I know you will."  
_"__I love you, Rachel. You know that, right?"_  
"I do and I... I miss you a lot. Just... take care, I'll be home early in the morning tomorrow."  
_"__Bye, and since you're already there, just have fun. You kinda deserve it."_  
"Thank you, I will. Bye." And she hung up. 'I only have eyes for you' by The Flamingos was playing when she was walking inside of the apartment. As soon as she made it through the door she felt his smell again. Holy shit.  
"Tell him that you love him" She felt his voice close to her ear, but couldn't find the strength to turn around and face him.  
"I-I did." She didn't  
"No, you didn't."  
"Were you-"

_"__Dance with me."_ He whispered in her ear. There was no room for a negative answer, because it wasn't a _question_.  
With a blink of her eyes she was already facing him, staring at him straight in the eyes without saying a word, but saying everything. Her left hand in his shoulder and the right one lying on his hand. Finn pressed her against him and she could almost feel his heart racing; she felt his smell on her nose and she knew, there was nothing she could do anymore, this battle was _so lost _that wasn't even gonna try to hide everything this man provoked in her. So she let him.  
They slowdanced like it was the end of the world, she felt like that moment was just an excuse to hold him close without questions from anyone, so she just kept doing it.

_"__You are here and so am I.  
Maybe millions of people go by  
But they all disappear from view  
And I only have eyes for you"  
_  
Finn raised his right hand and placed it on her neck softly, finding, not by coincidence, a sensitive spot in it. Rachel asked herself how can you make love without actually make it, because every inch of her body felt the pleasure of his touch, chills went down her back and her breath became heavy. He knows what he's doing, of course and she knows, deep inside, that this is _very wrong_, but she couldn't bring her self to stop this feeling she thought she would _never_ feel again. She digged her fingers in his shoulder, losing her sanity for a second, and closing her eyes, just in time for 'Faithfully' to start playing.  
_"__Dammit, Santana!" _Rachel thought  
He was getting closer, she could feel his nose on top of hers.  
"Do you remember?" he whispered almost against her lips. She was at this point of the clouds where you can't actually feel your legs... and the song, the song was driving them _insane.  
_All of the alerts became red in her head and for the first time, she though about Brody; she thought about all of the things that were wrong with what she was about to do but how she wasn't being able to stop it.  
Finn's lips were almost there now, she could feel their noses one next to the other.  
_"__No, no, no." _She thought and with all the strength of her heart, she whispered "Please don't kiss me"  
"Rachel-"  
"Please don't kiss me, Finn" She said again, almost begging this time.  
She didn't notice when it started, but she was crying; she felt this weight again, it was the pain of guilt, remorse. Love. Everything was wrong and saying no to Finn was just so damn hard.

There was something about her crying that he couldn't fully figure out but, all he knew is that it was breaking him, so he pulled back even when he wanted to kiss her more than anything.  
"I won't kiss you if you don't want me to." He said in a sad voice. Rachel began to wonder if he was actually thinking that she didn't want to kiss him when it was pretty obvious that it was quite the opposite.  
Rachel wanted to stop, like when she was on stage and she just had to make this big emotional scene, and then the scene was over and she'd just stop the tears. But this was different. Finn was this old injury she's been trying to heal with all of her strength, but kept failing. Finn was the weakness. Finn was the cause and the solution to all of her problems. Finn was... Finn was _there_, standing in front of her, smelling like trees after the rain, burning her skin with his hands and endless eyes. No, there was no stop for all the crying. Not this time.  
She covered her face with both hands trying to hold back her sobs. An that _damn song!_  
A few seconds went by, and Rachel could almost read the confusion in Finn's mind.  
She though he was gonna leave again, she really did. And she was gonna stay there with their almost-kiss and full emptiness. And she was ready, actually, maybe losing him _again_ would be easier this time.

But he did not leave, she knew it when she felt his arms around her.  
"God, I wish this could be easier." She whispered with a trembling voice, between sobs.  
"Nothing is ever easy for us, is it?" He said. She felt his voice in her ear, he was on the edge of tears too.  
"No..." She said wrapping her arms around the tall man. He was so-skinny, she could even feel some of his bones now.  
Finn began humming the song and moving to the sound of it.  
_"__Oh girl, you stand by me. I'm forever yours... faithfully" _He sang in a low voice "I don't know about you, but kinda love this song."  
"I'm so sorry, Finn. I'm so sorry" She said, pressing him against her body  
"What?" But she wouldn't stop apologizing "Rachel why would you say that? Sorry for what?"  
"Everything. Everything." She said between sobs "I'm just so sorry, so sorry."  
"Okay, just stop." He said taking her hands between his to pull back from the hug. "Come. Let's get you out of here."  
He made his way to the door trying to avoid everyone's gaze and questions.  
"Wait, where are we going?" She asked once they were out of the house, near to Finn's car.  
"Are you kidding me? Look at you! Look at _us_. We can't avoid this conversation all night like we're still in high school, Rachel, not anymore."  
"But-"  
"My house is not far from here..." She knew it. "We can talk there." He said meeting her gaze. He could read the confusion in her eyes.  
"You can't do this to me. You can't do this to me, Finn, I'm-"  
"Married." He interrupted. She felt amazed of the feeling in her chest when _he_ was the one saying the word. His eyes went from her face to the floor. "You think I don't know that?" He whispered. "I just... We need to talk, Rachel, you know we do, and that's all we're gonna do. I promise you you're gonna keep your clothes on the _whole time_ if it kills me." He said as a joke, she smiled a little. "I need to know how's everything going and... and If you forgave me for what I did to you." There was such a shame and sadness in his voice that Rachel couldn't find the strenght or the reasons to say no. Instead, in a desperation moment, she said one of those things you say when every sight of reason is out of your mind.  
"But- I don't have my toothbrush with me."

* * *

**So, what do you think it'll happen?**  
**Please revieeeew, it means a lot to me! This fanfic had helped me a lot with my sorry english :)**  
**This story will like a 4 chapter thing, as i said, it was meant to be a one-shot that got ****_really _****out of hand lol.  
I'll update tomorrow!  
Have a nice daaay.**


	3. You are here and so am I

**Hi, here I am again :)**  
**thank for following my story and for your kind reviews :B  
I hope you enjoy this episode, it has a little bit of mistery solving among other stuff.  
I enjoyed writing it ****_a lot!  
_****Please ignore the grammar mistakes, my main language is spanish mis amigos!**

* * *

There are things in our minds that seem to pop up in the _worst_ moments; those events we want to forget the most but refuse to go away. Well, she was now standing in front of one. Maybe the _most_ painful of her short life.

"It happens to me all the time." Finn said after a while of standing in front of the old house just staring at it. He had watery eyes, and so did she.  
Rachel just nodded. This was almost too much to handle, even now, after 8 years. Moments like those are the ones that change you..._forever._

Inside the house Rachel noticed that somethings were a little different, but most of it was just the same, like the smell, for example: wood and Carole's special soup. And there, embracing the good old times, Rachel didn't felt like crying anymore.

Finn closed the door behind him and walked near her, she could feel his nervous heart beating just as fast as hers and felt an amazing relief to know she wasn't the only one that was scared as hell of what could happen from now on.  
"Do you- Uhm, do you want something to drink?" That was the kind of thing only Finn would say in such a moment.  
She didn't want something to drink, obviously. Instead, she turned back, took a step closer to him and hugged him again.  
This time they were alone and there was no crying involved. This time they tried to pretend that nothing was wrong.  
They stood there for what could have been hours.  
Rachel thought about Brody again, how he never ever made her feel like this. Why is that Brody's arms never felt this _damn good?  
_She thought about how many times she'd tortured herself at night because of not being able to love him back, wondering one and over again if she'd ever be able to feel _love_ again. Then she thought about Brody's eyes and how they were never able to stop time... and she felt sadness again.

When they finally pulled back it was finally the time to talk, but what should she say? How do you start _"__The talk"_?  
"Well, I could use a beer." He said to break the ice and then walked to the kitchen  
"You drink now, I see." She said  
"Yeah. Soon enough I'll get the beer fat, you'll see." He said sitting on the couch  
"I hope so, you're very thin." Her voice sounded bitter  
"You think so?"  
"Yes"  
"Is that like... a bad thing?" He asked very confused "Isn't that what people like? Like when you lose weight and you have abs and stuff?" Rachel looked at him with a frown  
"Yeah... but you..." She stared at him for a while, it seemed so different, and she was just now noticing it. His face looked skinnier, you could see the bones from his jaw. He was not extremely thin, but there was something about it that made Rachel feel some weird kind of cold inside.  
"Why are you staring at me like _that_?" He faced the floor now, he was blushing.  
"Have you been eating well?" She said still staring. His raised his eyes to meet hers. There was pain in his eyes, Rachel could almost feel it in her skin, like it was her own pain.  
He did not answer, he didn't have to.

There was silence in the room as the clock keep ticking.  
Tension.

"So..." Finn said finally, running away from Rachel's eyes "How's everything going?... you know, with your life."  
"Oh, uhm, it's great. Not that long ago I got casted for West Side Story, you, the one I-"  
"The one you did in High School with Blaine" He interrupted.  
"Yes... I never thought you'd remember"  
"I do." And silence again.

"I-I'm portraying Maria again."  
"But you have the experience this time." He whispered and then took a sip of beer.  
"What?"  
"Nothing. I just... nothing" He blushed.  
She heard it, though.

Suddenly, Rachel knew: this was the moment. This question had been hunting her for years and years, night after night and now was the moment to get rid of it, just let it go. All she had to do was ask him. Just ask him.  
She felt the elephant in the room. It was _now or never._  
Her heart started the concert, her hands were wet, her mouth became dry and she even got dizzy.  
Just ask him. Just do it!.

"You killed him?" Her heart was about to pop out, and it got worse when Finn ignored the question, stood up and walked to the window completely silent. "Finn, I know, I know you heard me." She insisted while standing up "Did you kill him?" Nothing. "Finn, you're killing _me- _with this_-_"  
"Don't say that. Don't go there, Rachel" He said pointing his finger at her  
"Then why the _fuck_ are we here?" She was pissed now. Her whole body was trembling, but she kept it together to ask one more time "Finn! Did-you-kill-"  
"I did" He said turning back, avoiding her eyes. "Of course I did."

"Oh God..." Her hands went to cover her mouth, trying to hold her shock even when, deep down inside, she knew that was gonna be the answer.  
"Are you gonna judge me?" He said with the saddest grin showing in his face. For the first time in the whole day she saw his dimples again. "I disgust you, don't I? I have blood in my hands now and you have your perfect Broadway life." He said facing the window again.  
"No, don't say that, Finn, don't you dare-"  
"That son of a-"  
"Finn!"  
"HE KILLED MY MOTHER!" He screamed with tears in his eyes.

"I know." She said after a while.  
"Do you?" She looked at him feeling very hurt. She knew this was gonna be hard, but at this point she was wondering if she should have brought it up in the first place. "You were with me that day, Rachel. How can... How can you _judge_ me like this?" He said with begging eyes.  
Rachel could tell how hard this was for him, she could feel him fighting his pain, memories and guilt. And she understood. This was hard for her, but it was a thousand times worse for him.  
Finn was trying hard to seem strong, to hold back his tears but he just couldn't.  
Suddenly he drunk all of his beer at once and left the bottle on the table. He was shivering.  
"Did it feel any better?" She asked. "You got what you wanted. You got your revenge, did you feel any better? Did it bring your mother-" But she stopped herself when she saw Finn's reaction to the word 'mother'  
"Don't-"  
"I don't think it made you feel _any_ better, you know?. Look at you, Finn. What have you done with you_life_?"  
"Nothing. I've done a whole lot of _nothing_." He grinned "This is what I am now. I'm not even in jail because I'm the perfect 'American citizen' who was just 'fighting back' at this asshole everyone was trying to get rid of." He said in a bitter voice "So go ahead and judge me now, everyone in this town does. I bet I am a freaking monster to you now. But, you know what? It doesn't even hurt that much anymore. This are my true colors, I'm _nothing_ but a murderer-" The pain in his right cheek stopped him from keep talking. He felt fire burning his face.  
Rachel was in front of him, eyes wide open and shivering like paper, but looking _taller_ than ever. Finn was shocked. This was maybe the third time Rachel had slapped him in the face, but this time _really _hurt.  
"You know nothing, Finn Hudson, _nothing_!" Rachel screamed "I'd never, NEVER, think you're a monster. You know why, you _know-it-all_? Because I-know_-you_, I know who you are and I know your _heart_..." She said trying to fight her broken voice "And I was there with you when it all happened, I saw your mother there, on the yard and something _died_ inside of me too! So how dare you, how _DARE_ you say my Broadway life is perfect?, well I say you know NOTHING!" She took a pause to breathe. "_This_..." She said pointing her finger at him "This are _not_ your true colors. I've seen your true colors and I don't know what this is but it's gotta go."  
"She was everything to me, Rachel."  
"I know!"  
"No you don't!. You'll _never_ understand!"  
"Of course I won't! But I have pain inside too! That day I carry with me like a damn scar, and it hurts everyday, but we've got to move on! And I _can't_ stand to see you like this, it's breaking my heart." She said almost crying.  
Finn's gaze meet hers and they stood there again, staring at each other for a thousand time.

"Why?" He said after a long silence  
"Why what?"  
"Why do you care so much? You have everything. You and I are not together" He said with a light on his eyes that she found familiar... and confusing "I told you to go away, I never called you again, I pushed you away because I never wanted you to be stucked with all my anger and my pain. I never wanted you to carry that day on your back and I never wanted you to feel the same shit I've been feeling! why didn't you just move on and be happy, Rachel? Why do you care so much when it's been so many years?"  
"Because I care about you! Surprise!."  
"You don't have to! I don't want you to care about you Ex-lame-boyfriend who ended up with a dead mother and a murder record-"  
"Here we go..." She interrupted walking towards the window  
"Yes!"  
"You really thought that the way to keep me away from pain was to tell me that you didn't _love me anymore_?"  
"Yes!" He said "I wanted you to go out there and be happy, I wanted you to go to New York and have the life you deserve and forget about everything about fucking _Lima, Ohio_"  
"But I didn't, did I?" Silence "Because _everyday_ of that dream was so full of guilt and empty spaces, things that were left unsaid and somehow, _something_ was keeping me from enjoying it."  
"Wait- 'Guilt'?" Rachel's eyes raised from the ground to meet his. He looked confused, his eyes were swollen and full of stories he would never tell.  
"Well... yes, guilt."  
"Why guilt?"

"Because... I shouldn't have left you!" She finally said like it was some kind of poison that she had been keeping inside for _way too_ long. "I should have stayed by your side, but I didn't. I gave up on you, I chose myself and left you behind to go dream the dream..."  
"Oh God, Rachel!" He said, taking a seat slowly and covering his face with both hands "This whole thing is a fucking mess. Why _the hell_ would you feel guilty about that, Rachel, why?! I was the one who-"  
"I remember every single word you said to me that day, Finn. But, you know what? I knew you were lying, I've always known but I chose to believe you, because it was easier to blame it on you than to admit-"  
"Okay, no, no. This is enough. This is just _more_ than enough." He said standing up, wiping the tears from his face with the back of his hand. "I feel like we've been talking for hours about this and I can't take it anymore."  
"That's because we've been avoiding the subject for 8 years and now there are so many things to say-"  
"I know, I know! But can we just stop? This is not easy for me, Rachel and I know it's not easy for you too and you're killing me with all this things you're saying about how you feel guilty and I lived my life all this time thinking that the only thing I did right in it was letting you go but you're just telling me I fucked you over!"  
"No, no, no! don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to you. I _know_ how hard it was for you even if you try to make it seem easy, even if you try to talk like you never needed me there." She said in a lower voice. "I feel guilty about it sometimes, but I went to college and I've been the lead in some plays and I've got all those standing ovations I craved for when I was younger. So I thank you for that. I'll always owe you everything I have now."  
"Rachel, why do you do that? Why do you avoid talking about your family?, about that ring in your finger and about-"  
"I'm not avoiding it, but what's the point of bringing it up if you already know about it?." She said "I'm really past the point of talking about other people to make you jealous. I'm married now and that's how this is supposed to be." But he kept that strange _look_ in his face.  
"I don't care about your marriage" He said, breaking the ice. "That's not the reason I stayed away from you all of this years. I _know_ you don't love him."  
"No, you don't. I could love him, he's a great man." At least she tried.  
"But you don't love him." He said very serious, like pointing out a fact.  
"You don't know that."  
"I do know it, 'cause I feel it here, in my heart." He said still staring at her.

Damn right she was not in love with Brody. He was a great man and she was very lucky to be married to him, sometimes she even thought that maybe she wasn't even worth of him. But how could she love him? How could she love _him _when she knew that there was _her_ Finn out there?

"You know nothing."  
"Oh, I know _everything._" He said while walking closer to her. "I saw you."  
Somehow, that last sentence managed to scare Rachel a little. It's not like she had something to hide or anything, but the tone of his voice and the sadness in his eyes made her feel chills she'd never felt before.

"You saw me? When?"  
"About two years ago." He said a little bit closer, but keeping a safe distance. "_Rocky Horror_"  
"_Oh_, yeah." She said thinking about the time she had made that exact same play... with him as her Brad. Good old easier times, huh? "I was playing-"  
"Janet." He interrupted again. "I was in the back, but I could hear you like you were right next to me" He said almost in a whisper. "I saw you up there and I felt so proud of you. You were shining, like_truly shining_ like the star you are."  
"Wait a second, just... You went to New York to watch me perform but you didn't have the _guts_ to come talk to me? You could have waited for me at the end of the play!"  
"I did." He sentenced, with a small grin in his face. When their eyes meet, Rachel knew what he was trying to say.  
"_Oh_. I see." She said, avoiding his gaze.  
"Yeah."  
"...you saw Brody." Finn nodded.  
"And I saw _the ring._ I saw your smile... and, I'm not even gonna lie to you, it hurt _like hell_, but it was okay at the same time. I never hoped you to wait for me or anything, that was never my goal. I wanted you to get married and find someone who deserved you-"  
"Finn-"  
"But then... I saw two other things too..." He said while sticking his hands in his pockets. "I saw you didn't love the guy. You were _happy_ with him, but you were _not_ in love. That was kinda cool, actually, but then..." His tone and his body tension changed instantly. "Why haven't you talked me about him?"  
"About Brody?" She said very confused  
"No! About the _baby_ he was caring!, the baby he handed to you and you kissed on the forehead right before taking the dude's hand and leaving!" He said.  
Rachel's face became shocked all of the sudden, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. A baby? Everything made sense right now, everything was falling into place slowly.  
She rested her back on the wall next to the window, unable to stop the smile that came to her face. She lifted her eyes to meet Finn's. He has his right eyebrow up and and a very serious expression.  
"Rachel? Talk to me about him, I want to know, for real. What's his name?" He said almost panicking at Rachel's reaction. She was grinning with this shock-face he couldn't understand.  
"I don't know, I can't remember!" She said standing straight trying to look serious. "I could have been little Dan or Thomas." She was staring straight into his eyes  
"There are two?" He tried to keep it cool, but somehow the news were not good for him at all.  
"Yes!" She said with the biggest smile on her face "Laura had to take one of them to the doctor, so Brody was taking care of the other, 'cause they're twins, you know. That's why Brody couldn't make it to the play, he was-"  
"Wait, _what? … _Just_, _Wait a minute!" He said taking Rachel by the shoulders "What are you talking about, woman, don't play with me!"  
"Brody's sister name is Laura, Finn. She had _twins_!"  
"So what?" He said  
"_Really?_" Rachel asked tenderly, she kinda missed that confused dumb look in Finn's face.  
"What?" He said, still very confused about it. At some point, he understood the deal... and everything about him just changed in less than a second. She saw _Finn_ again. "_Oh, _so you're not- Oh!"  
"No."  
Rachel will always remember that exact second when every shade of bitterness, sadness and guilt just vanished from his face to make room to that bright smile he used to wear most of the time in what it seems to be a _lifetime_ ago. She could never forget that smile, of course, those dimples and that spark of joy. It was the exact same he wore the day she told him she'll marry him and the day he actually _saw_ her in her wedding dress at the tender age of 17. There it was again, and it was like a time machine.  
"What are you thinking?" She said, suddenly realizing he still had his hands on her shoulders  
"There's no son."  
"No, and I don't think it'll be anytime soon" She said with a grin

"Tell me you love him." Finn said with the same goofy smile  
"I can't."  
"Tell me you don't love _me_ anymore." He said getting closer to her.  
She looked at him, how could she not love him?  
"I don't love you anymore."  
"You're lying." Rachel bit her lower lip  
"Look at me, _prince._ Do you think I'm lying to you?" Finn pressed his body slightly against hers  
"I do." He whispered when his nose found hers again. "I know you're lying" She closed her eyes, there was no turning back this time.  
"That's because I am." She whispered.  
"Then you _belong to me_."

* * *

**Soooo, what do you think?**  
**PLEAAASE REVIEW, like i smile really widely everytime i get a comment, even if it's a little one, so yeah, do it.**  
**I'll update tomorrow, idk if tomorrow's chapter wil be the last, but ****_maybe.  
_****That's it :) Bye!**


	4. Leaving scars

**UGH I'm sorry I'm a little bit late with this final chapter but I just got sooo frustrated about it! I mean, was re-reading it and i hated it so I had to write it all over again like a thosand times! Even now that it's finished I'm still not happy with it, but yeah, I did the best I could!**  
**Thanks a lot for your reviews, I know i screw up a lot with my gramma and sometimes I just know I'm saying it wrong but I can't find any other way to say it so I leave it like that.**  
**Enjoy!**

* * *

"_For whatever my man is  
I am __**his**__ forever more"_

"Then you belong to me" He said. She looked at him, so tall and fragile, so strong and manly. She wanted him so much, and she knew he _wanted _her as well. At the moment she felt Finn's lips crashing into hers violently, she just lost her mind. Every trace of sanity and every thought flew away from her. He was _kissing_ her _again, _after years and _years_ of craving for this man's body she finally had him. And he tasted like _time, _like pain and heaven.  
Her hands wrapped his neck and his hands went to her waist. He pulled her up strongly and she, almost as a reflex, wrapped her legs around his now thin body, and there, being pressed against the wall, she aloud herself sink into the his soft, gentle lips completely.  
The excitement went through all of her body, like electricity, when Finn's tongue found hers and played with it soflty. She remembered, all of the sudden, what being alive felt like, what _love _felt like. In his arms, she felt invincible and perfect and kissing him was like flying... but she wanted _more.  
_"You know..." She said between kisses " That thing you said about keeping my clothes on?-"  
"My fingers were crossed." He whispered against her lips  
"Oh, thank God." She said shoving his jacket off with a grin.

By the time they were in his room, Finn was shirtless and Rachel's dress was unzipped and half removed. He placed her in the bed slowly, taking her dress off gently while looking straight into her eyes. She was in her underwear now and he couldn't help but stare at her body, the way her chest went up and down with her hard breathing, and her skin... oh, her skin as goose bums went all over it. She wondered, for a second, if he was staring like that because he didn't like her body now, and insecurity could show in her face... But he could never not like her body, he just couldn't believe he had her like that, that she loved him enough to show him everything, and he wanted everything. He kissed her insecurities away inch by inch, removing what was left of her clothes. His eyes widened at the sight of her breast, making her moan while he kissed them. _  
_Rachel decided to take control of him this time, pushing him to the left to make him lie on his back. She's on top now, and he likes that.  
She took her time to take his pants off while kissing his neck softly, listening to him make all those noises she still remembered so damn well. Before removing the final piece of clothes, she felt she had to say it, she needed to. She leaned down and kissed him again, feeling his hands on her back and his heart raise to a thousand per minute: _"I love you."_ She whispered against his lips, _"I love you"_ He answered silently.  
They made love, and love made them at the same time; Slowly but strongly, feeling the pleasure of every movement as they rocked the bed like it had never been before. Finn felt perfect inside of her, like every painful moment of his days had come to this, having her tiny body in his arms. Perfection.  
She moaned the orgasm into his mouth with her eyes closed, almost screaming as she felt she reached the edge of the world. He reached it with her, just like old times.  
The girl was speechless now, and feeling completely tired. It had been a _long_ day, sealed with the most powerful moment she could ever describe. And yes, she felt tired, but light and thin; the way he always made her feel.  
It had been intense and beautiful, but she was exhausted.

"You will never know how much I missed you all this time." She told him when they were cuddling naked, dressed only with the bed sheds.  
"Of course I know" He said, pressing his nose against hers. "I think I felt the same thing."  
She placed her hand on his chest and felt his heart beating strongly. She began to think about the over human efforts she'd have to make to live her life without this man from now on... or the people she'd have to hurt in order to be with him.  
She was now facing two kinds of love; one, completely endless, big as the sea but capable of _destroying_ her. And the other one, less painful, balanced and safe.  
She kissed him on the cheek and pressed her nose against his neck, taking a deep breath.  
"Are you smelling me?" He asked with a grin.  
"Yes." She said "I love your smell, you know that."  
"I know, I just find it strange that you smell me like that, you're the only one who does that."  
"What do you mean?" She said, a little bit jealous. Was he trying to say that he'd been with _other girls?_  
"You know what I mean." She looked at him "_One night-stands_ stuff. Nothing real."  
"I don't wanna talk about this right now, let's just forget it, I want to sleep." She said harshly, turning her back on him  
"Oh, come on! Are you kidding me?" He said, wrapping his arms around her waist. "You know I only said that to make you jealous, right?" She turned back again, facing him, lips inches apart.  
"Well, I know its true, that why it hurts."  
"Then you know how I feel now." That was a low point, he knew that, but it was the truth. They were not kids anymore, they knew what they were dealing with. This was not a game.  
"Are you married?" She said with her eyes wide open  
"No, I'm not." He grinned at the sight of jealous Rachel. "I lied when I said I had done nothing with my life, though. I'm kinda of a teacher."  
"You are? Like, with a college degree?" He nodded "Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, climbing his chest to get on top of him "That's great!"  
"I didn't tell you because I have the degree, and I worked at this school for like three years and it was cool, but I quit."  
"Why?" He just moved his shoulders. "Why did you quit?"  
"I don't know, It always felt like there was something missing." He said sadly. "Some days everything seemed okay with the kids, but then other days everything got out of hand and I just panicked. I'm alone in this world, you know? And all those kids filled my life a little, but they also kept taking me back in time and..." He stopped. "I've never been good to handle stuff like that. Not without you around, you know?" that last thing he said in a whisper. "So I just ran away from it, like I always do." Rachel leaned down and lied on top of him, with her ear in his heart. "Rachel-"  
"Don't-"  
"We need to talk about-"  
"No, no, Finn, just-"  
"Rachel-" Before he could keep on talking, she pressed a hot kiss on his lips and began to let the shed slip off of her body. She wanted to avoid the subject as long as she could, and she knew, for experience, this was the best way to do it, it worked with Brody every time.  
But this was _not_ Brody, was it?. Finn took her by the hips and pulled her out of the kiss, sitting her next to him.  
"Stop it, Rachel, don't you dare _use_ this!"  
"Come on, Finn, why can't we just-"  
"Have sex to _avoid_ the issues?" She turned her back at him looking offended " I though that was the kind of thing _I_ would do" He whispered to himself looking surprised. "Hey, look at me." He said as Rachel began to cover her body again. With his right hand, he forced her to meet his gaze. She was crying now, the same way she was all those years ago in that car, when he told her he didn't love her anymore and asked her to go away. It was breaking his heart. "Come here" He said dragging her into his arms. Once she was there, she started to sob. He laid down on the bed and held her, running his fingers trough her hair, feeling like she would melt in his arms in any moment, smelling her. "I'm not gonna ask you to stay Rachel." She kept sobbing. "Your home is New York and I could never keep you from your dream and the bright future you have ahead, the bunch of Tonys you're gonna win" He said trying to joke, she looked at him, pouring her eyes out. "You're killing me, woman, please don't cry!" He said, pressing his lips against her. He asked her not to cry, but he was doing it too, silently. He was crying the way you cry when you fall off your bike and brake a bone, because he was feeling physical pain. He honestly thought it would be easier.  
"I can't leave you-"  
"Don't be cheesy, Rachel, of course you can, _you can_! You're better than this! You can do _so much_ better!" _Than me _he wanted to say.  
"Finn!" She said staring into his eyes again. "Don't say stuff like that, ever." She placed her right hand on his cheek. "Love yourself." And that was, maybe, the best advice he had ever got in his whole life. "Can't you see?" He looked confused "You are my home. I told you once and I'll say it again. It's always been you. You're the one, you always have been, how can you not see that?" She said between sobs "And I asked you not to kiss me not because I didn't _want you to kiss me _but because of this. Look at us, naked on your bed, crying like babies, I mean, what's next for us? You think I can forget this?"  
"You can remember it like what it was, a one-night thing" She wiped the tears off of her face.  
"Why do you always do that? You're not gonna hurt me this time, I know damn well you're lying." He grinned and then he came closer to her pressing a kiss into her lips.  
"Why don't you sing something to me?" He said into the kiss "Something soft so I can sleep forever" His eyes were closed, his arms still around her body and his lips touching her's all the time. "Sing something."  
"Okay." He placed his head on her chest, right on top of her heart, wrapping her waist with his arm. Her hand went to his hair, and she began to move her fingers slowly as she began the song

_"__I don't wanna be adored  
Don't wanna be first in line  
Or make myself heard  
I'd like to bring a little light  
To shine a light on your life  
To make you feel loved  
No, don't wanna be the only one you know  
I wanna be the place you call home..."_

* * *

_"Stop crying. Stop crying. Stop, stop, stop."_  
But the flight was damn painful.  
_"__This is the right choice!"_  
Why didn't it feel like it was?  
"I need some water, please." She said softly to the hostess with a broken voice and shaking hands. Her sunglasses were hiding her swollen eyes, but the tears could show all over her face.  
"Is everything okay? Is there anything else you need?"  
_"__Finn." "_No, I'm fine. I just need water."  
"Are you sure?"  
"_No."_ "Yes, I'm sure." She said not sounding convincing at all. "Maybe some vodka?"

* * *

She was there now, in front of the door. This was her final call. She could cut the crap right here or just keep going with it. Not like her life with Brody was crap, because it wasn't, but she felt like she was being the most crappy wife in the history, including that spider that kills the male after sex.

She was not crying anymore, though, she though that it was about time for her to stop doing it or she'll dehydrate. You could she'd been crying, of course, but Brody would surely think it was about the funeral. Because that's why she went to Lima in the first place, right?.  
She raised her hand to knock on the door...  
But how could she do this? She still had Finn's smell all over her nose, for Christ sake, his skin rubbing against hers, his moans were still alive in her ears and she could almost feel him kissing her breasts just the way he kissed them the second time they made love, when he woke up after an hour and started to kiss her back gently to find his way to her mouth. And then it was the third time. That was not gentle _at all. _She could still feel him sucking on her skin and biting her lips violently. She'd never forget _anything _about that night, he made _damn_ sure of it.  
But she needed to stop thinking about it right about _now. So s_he summoned all of her strength to knock on the door. The choice was made, there was no turning back, not this time. She _had _to leave the past where it belonged, behind. She needed to proceed with her life, to keep on walking. This was the right choice, she knew it was... or at least that was what she'd been telling herself since she walked away from Finn's life for the second time.  
She sighed and then knocked on the door. After a few seconds she was standing in front of her sweet, hot, fary-tale husband again.  
"Rachel!" He screamed with this amazing grin he can make "Why didn't you tell me?, I thought-"  
"No, I can't. We need to talk."

* * *

Finn didn't do it while she was around, but as soon as he saw her getting in the cab, he kicked the fuck out of his desk chair.

* * *

Standing still, with the hands inside his pockets, he just let the tears flow down his face.

"You understand this, don't you?" He finally said, trying to deal with all the pain this was causing him "I've never been the guy who can handle emotional stuff like Kurt or Blaine, I just feel the urge to run away from it. I mean, you know me, right? I wish you'd be here to tell me you understand." He became silent for a while, staring straight at his mother's grave, just the way he was when Rachel found him the day before. "I promise I'll find someone cool, someone amazing to live in _our_ house, I promise I'll work hard to get out of this, to honor you and everything you did for me and I promise our house will be left in _great_ hands because I_ know_ how much it means to us, so I swear I'll find the most happy family with happy kids and a lot of laughter and stuff. But it can't be me, I _can't_ live there anymore." He paused "This morning, after she left, I went out and bought a big... sign thing, like the ones you see in the movies, those wooden stuff with the words 'For Sale' that you stick in the front yard... I really hope it works." He said while wiping the tears off of his face. "So, I'm leaving again, I won't be able to come to visit you too often, mom, even though you know you're _always_ with me." He said softly "And I'm not angry this time, just kinda sad..." He grinned "...and devastated and broken too. But yeah, 'That's life' says that Frank Sinatra guy."  
The wind was blowing tenderly and the giant willow that was in front of the grave was making a peaceful noise with his leaves. He took his time to embrace it, to let that feeling sink inside of him, remembering how hard he used to like that kind of trees when he was just a naive boy.

"It's a good thing, right? I mean, it feels like crap, but maybe it will get better after all. Maybe I'll be able to move on _finally_, to go away and find someone as lost as I am and maybe we could, like, fix each other or something." He grinned again "Does that sound cheesy to you?... It does to me, but sometimes dudes need some cheesy stuff, you know? like a girl with nice smell, pretty hair with a nice sense of decoration to make the 'house a home' thing." There was only one girl he was thinking of, of course, but she was now out of the picture for good "It was the right choice, right? Letting her go for the second time?" He felt the wind blowing again and grinned "I feel like I lost her all over again and that's weird, because she was never _mine_ in the first place." He felt that pain on his chest he already knew so damn well "I miss you, mom, everyday I wish you were alive to help me with everything. Life is just so hard without you... But I feel it'll all work out just fine." He smiled feeling a little better now, somehow everything in the air was telling him that it was gonna be okay, he felt something he thought he had forgotten: _hope.  
_He remembered Rachel's words: _"Love yourself"_ she had said, and he was willing to do that. He'd never forget her and he'd never ever love anyone the way he loved Rachel Berry, but maybe, just maybe, this was the time to close that book.  
He sat there, laying his back in the willow and watching the sky go pink. He felt no cold or pain anymore. All was well.

Until he heard _the voice._  
_"Oh God, no!"_  
He felt his heart skip like five beats, this couldn't be real, could it? But, yes, he could recognize that voice even if he were in a freaking farm full of screaming animals.  
He stood there, still, without even breathing... and then he saw her. She walked just by him but didn't saw him because it was dark already.  
"What... what am I gonna do?!" She was crying. Finn noticed she was holding a phone too, but who was she talking with? "I can't _sing_ about it!, No!... You know what? You're not being helpful. I don't care what you say, I'm gonna find him!" She screamed angrily and, just as angry, hung up the phone and just to proceed to throw it away. He couldn't help to smile silently, but his grin fade away when she covered her face with both of her hands and started to sob "I was so sure he was here, I could just feel it, Carole! Now where is he?, just tell me, help me!" she screamed  
"Woah, don't yell at my mom, woman, that's _rude._" He said, standing up, pretending to be mad. She turned around as fast as she could, her face was red and wet and she looked shocked.

"I-I found you." She whispered.  
"You found me." He said with his hands on his pockets and a grin  
"I thought-" She became silent "You-You're selling the house..."  
"I am. There's nothing for me there anymore."  
He noticed then that there are two kinds of silences in life: one is the empty silence, awkward and uncomfortable, and the other one was the "full of words" silence. He was living the second one.

"Why are you crying?"  
"I thought-" But she stopped herself again  
"I don't want to ask you this, but what are you doing here?" He was trying hard to seem cold, to stop his heart from beating so damn hard, as it always did when this girl was around "You should be in New York, Rachel, we agreed-"  
"I love you."  
"But-"  
"I love you!."  
"Rachel-"  
"I saw the sign on your house and I thought you were gone!" she screamed out of nowhere as she came closer "I went out on the damn cold in high heels to find _you._" She started to hit his chest in a way the he could only find adorable, even though she was truly angry "I thought you were _gone, _that we were gonna be one of those stories were we found each other after 10 years and there's _nothing_ to be done anymore!" She screamed between sobs "You almost kill me again, Finn, and now you're just sending me back to fucking New York? Well _fuck you!_"  
"Wait, wait! You're hurting me, stop it. Rachel!" He took her by the wrists to make her stop, she was not hitting him hard, but she was hitting him on the same spot, so after a while that kinda hurt "You can't do this, you can't be here, I'm not gonna let you give up on your life for _nothing!_, you _must_ go home, don't waste your time!"  
"Are you gonna tell me you don't love me? Say it, I dare you!" She said pushing him  
"Don't push me! Ah, You're such a kid, Rachel!" He turned his back at her "Why are we even talking about this again?, What do you want from me?!"  
"You still don't know it?!"  
"Rachel, why are we talking about this again? Why?"  
"Because _we love each other,_ you asshole!" He turned around to meet her gaze. She was right. "And I'm screwed up BIG time. I can't love anyone else, and trust me, I _tried, _I got fucking married!, So can we please just cut the crap and get _real_ about this?"  
Suddenly he remembered the old times, their old selves fighting about little stuff years ago when everything seemed easier.  
"But Broadway-"  
"Oh my God!, _who cares_ about Broadway, Finn?" she wiped the tears from her face "I tried Broadway... and it was _amazing, _okay? but I'm not gonna choose it over you again. I'm not gonna do that" She said as she came closer. She grabbed his face with her hands, forcing him to look at her straight in the eyes. He felt her hands in his skin and thought about how cold her hands were, but how worm she could made him feel, he thought if she'd ever know what she did to him only by touching him like that... and then thought that he could easily spend the rest of his life explaining it to her "Those stages are gonna stay there, waiting for me if I ever decide to go back, but you must know that my dream is not complete without you. You're _my man_." She smiled "And _You're my hero,_ remember?"  
"You're mine" He said as he leaned down slowly, his hands finding her neck to drag her face closer to his. Everything was said, he thought, and felt at peace at last.  
"I'm just thinking, you know..." She said when Finn was just about to kiss her, covering his mouth with her hand "You hurt my feelings really bad with all that_ 'Go away'_ thing, I mean, I walked all the way here and my feet _really_ hurt. You're gonna have to make it up to me, is not like you can come here and just-"  
"Rachel-" He mumbled between her fingers, rolling his eyes.  
"No, I'm serious, you think I'm just gonna kiss you? Is not that easy-"  
"Rachel-"  
"Finn!" She said with a whimsical grin "Oh, please, Finny, Finny!"  
"Come on!"  
"Don't_ 'Come on'_ me, Finny boy, my feet _really_ hurt..."  
"Don't call me like that!" He said taking her hand off of his face. She kept the grin on her face "Oh, okey, okey. You win..." He said turning his back at her and bending his knees a little "Your carriage is here, your majesty." He looked at her over his shoulder, her smile was just as bright as the sun "Jump up!" And she did.

He carried in his back all the way to what was now gonna be _their home_ without complaining, it was the _least_ he could do. Because after all the pain and tears shared over the last weekend... and years, he kinda owed it to her.  
_"I think I could pay this debt for the rest of my life." _He though, smiling as she kissed him on the cheek softly. _"Yeah, I could totally do that."_

**The End**

* * *

**So, yeah, it's done at least :)**  
**I though about wrinting more about Finn's mother and her death and about Rachel's conversation with Brody, but then i thought that it was better for you to cut those moments off of the story, to make it shorter :)**  
**I really hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it!**  
**I'm now starting a longer FanFic that will be related to Rachel and Kurt's friendship... and to Finchel, of course.**  
**Thanks a lot to my readers/followers, and then again, I'm sorry if it this was poorly written, but I'm just learning about this!. i even took a lot of things from "ThinkIJustGleedMyself" that is, i think, one of my absolute fav writters :)**  
**And yeah, that's it, please tell me what you thought about it :)**  
**Have a lovely everything!**


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